I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
