Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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