I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
