Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
