How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
