Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just saw a hot homeless man
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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