My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
