i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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