me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
