I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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