Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
