we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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