You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
