Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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