my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
