One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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