GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
