I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
