Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
