i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize