I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize