You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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