i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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