Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
