Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
