I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you never un-have a 4some
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
