You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
