I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
