I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
