I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
