You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
