I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sext me about skeletons
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
