Pants 0. Shit 1.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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