Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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