that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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