I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
