Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
