Just took my morning after pill in the library
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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