Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
