Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize