My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
