I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
