Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize