My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
