I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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