Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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