i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she woke up with a sticky ear
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
