Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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