You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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