Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
where does the pee come out of this thing
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
