if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
