Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
