I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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