you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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