I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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