He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize