you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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