I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
