oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
