you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
