I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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