Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
