I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
