I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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