I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
