no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A+ Viking dick
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
